Several years ago, a successful high school baseball coach in Southern California wrote an open letter to parents of high school athletes. In it, he requests only one thing from the parents of his players:

“After many years of coaching high school baseball, I have experienced a part of coaching that is the most difficult to accept. It is not the more obvious frustrations of wins and losses, dealing with the problems young high school student-athletes face or declining budgets and fund raising.

“It is the parent that interferes, criticizes and manipulates constantly in order to improve their son’s/daughter’s chances of playing time. Parents are not involved in the daily program of practice and player-coach interaction; they have a limited view of the real situation. What the parent does not realize is the person that is ultimately hurt is their son/daughter, not the coach they portray as the villain. For the coach, it is a temporarily uncomfortable situation, but for the player, it is something that may last a lifetime.”

It’s easy for sports parents to blame coaches for their children’s struggles. I saw this again and again when my husband was coaching. He even had one high school varsity softball mother write him a long letter blaming him for her daughter’s state of near depression. She was losing her desire to play because she was not pitching as much as she wanted to.

You may not like the coach, and you may not agree with his philosophy or strategy, but putting the blame on him for your child’s frustrations only feeds a victim mentality and teaches your child to go through life looking for others to blame every time he is having a hard time.

The coach goes on to say:

“So, what should parents do? Help your son/daughter by leaving them alone. Allow them to fail or succeed on their own. They will grow from the failure and take great joy in knowing they have succeeded on their own. Today, they may appear to appreciate your intervention, but more likely they will resent your interference later. Allow your son/daughter to come home and air their feelings about the day’s events without fear of you jumping in trying to solve their problems. Listen to them and use it as an opportunity to help them learn, not as a way of suppressing their independence by your interference.

“Remember, the coach is really the most unbiased person on the field. They see the team as a team in the proper perspective. Parents see the team through eyes that are tinted with the love and aspirations for their son/daughter. No matter how much the parent has played the game or coached youth sports, they are not exempt from these feelings.

“Love them and let go!”

In addition to your encouragement and support, your child’s coach and team need you to love them and let them go. Negativity from parents breaks down the morale of the team. A great season can be completely destroyed by a parent or parents that think they know better than the coach.

Janis B. Meredith, sports mom and coach's wife, writes a sports parenting blog called JBM Thinks. She authored the Sports Parenting Survival Guide Series and has a podcasting series for sports parents. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.