Recently, I went to a graduation. Not a high school or a college graduation but one far smaller and far more personal.

There were only seven kids, one of whom was my 9-year-old son T.J. He and six others were being recognized by their amazing teacher for their dedication, hard work and persistence in overcoming their struggles with a language-based learning disability that strikes one in five children. They all have dyslexia.

The teacher began the ceremony with a talk about self-efficacy.

“Self-efficacy,” he said, “is the belief that your effort and hard work matter. It’s a child’s belief in their ability to achieve their goals and complete tasks. In our schools, in our sports, so many times these kids lose that belief because of a learning disability. They are called slow learners, they are called frustrating, they can’t sit still so they are called disruptive, and yet, in reality, they probably work harder than anyone else in their class. They just have a disability that impedes their progress, through no fault of their own. They work so hard, and yet are led to believe that their work does not matter. So they eventually give up.”

One by one, the seven kids were called to the front of the room, and their teacher described their unique gifts, their unique paths and how they had overcome their own unique struggles in school and in life. He gave each of them an award related to their contribution and development, not just in reading but in art, in laughter and in relationships with others. He caught them being good at things and recognized them for it.

As he described each award, I saw an amazing thing: a smile on each kids face that could light up a room.

As conductor and speaker Benjamin Zander said: “Look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you’re doing it.”

I saw seven pairs of eyes shining that day. Which brings us to an important question:

Are your players’ eyes shining when you coach?

Does your presence make your athletes’ day a better one? Do you recognize all of them for their unique gifts and contributions to the team? Or do you only spend time with a few of your players – the starters, the stars?

Have you ever wondered why you had a roster full of talent but no team?

Many coaches ignore the importance of relationships. They assume that players know when they are doing well and when they are not. They forget how great it feels to get a compliment, to be trusted and believed in. They forget what it was like as a player to see progress, and have your contribution recognized.

Here are three keys to making your athlete’s eyes light up, improving performance, and building a championship culture:

• Recognition. Every player on a team needs recognition. I am not talking about trophies for everyone and eighth-place ribbons. I am talking about the absolute need for a coach to take the time to recognize the contribution of everyone who comes to practice, gives their all and fulfills a role. I am talking about the need for catching every player being good and epitomizing core values. Stars get plenty of recognition. They win MVPs and all-league awards. They get recognized by classmates and fans. Without recognition, other players see themselves as anonymous.
• Relevance. Every player needs a role. Some can be top scorer, others the top defender. Some can be leaders. Some can be supporters. Some can be the smart guy. Others the funny guy. But every player must be something. Players without roles feel irrelevant. They feel like their hard work and effort don’t matter. A coach who sends his reserves to work with the assistant coach every day and never coaches them makes them feel irrelevant. A coach who never calls a reserve player into the office and compliments him for working hard, raising the level of practice, improving, anything, will lose that player.
• A way to measure their contribution. It’s easy to measure touchdowns and tackles, but how do you quantify things that are harder to measure? If a coach consistently touts the skill position guys, linemen and defenders quickly start to believe that their contributions don’t matter. But at least they are playing. What about the kid who doesn’t play as much?

This article originally appeared on ChangingTheGameProject.com. 

John O'Sullivan is the founder of the Changing the Game Projectand author of the bestseller “Changing The Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids.”