What is ‘fair’ treatment in youth sports?

By Janis Meredith | Posted 7/25/2015

Fair treatment does not always look as we’d like it to.

Does it mean that coaches should treat all kids the same?

If you’d asked me that question at the beginning of my sports parenting journey, I would have said yes, absolutely! Of course it does! When my kids were small, I thought everything about youth sports should be fair.

But after 21 years of sports parenting and 28 years of being a coach’s wife, my answer to that question has tweaked a bit.

My definition of “fair” has grown with my kids. Now, I understand that fair means:

  • A coach is honest with players and parents.
  • A coach doesn’t have biases against players just because of something he heard or because of who the athlete is related to.
  • Every kid has an opportunity to prove himself.
  • Team rules apply to every player equally.
  • Coaches and players treat each other with respect.

Fair does not mean that every athlete – in higher levels of competition – gets equal playing time or gets to play the position he wants. And the hard part to swallow is that fair does not mean that every player will be treated the same. 

More than once as my kids were growing up, I felt they were treated unfairly. Sometimes it seemed the coach would chew out my kids more than other players. But my husband told me that coaches often push certain kids harder – kids who they feel have more potential, who can handle the pushing and who sometimes just need a figurative swift kick in the butt to get them to work harder.

Hearing that coaching perspective didn’t help me like the unfairness any better, but it did help me understand why some coaches treat players differently.

As a parent, I also understand that all kids don’t respond to the same treatment. A form of discipline that works with one child may not motivate another. You know your child and you know what works best for his good.

If your child’s coach is fair, give him the freedom to manage the team in a way that will help each child perform his best and reach his potential, even if it looks like he’s not treating everyone the same.

Janis B. Meredith, sports mom and coach's wife, writes a sports parenting blog called JBM Thinks. She authored the Sports Parenting Survival Guide Series and has a podcasting series for sports parents. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

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