Does your child ever base his self-worth on how he does in the game? It’s not unusual for kids to feel confident and happy after a good game and sullen or angry after a bad game.

The problem is magnified when your child faces peers the next day. He’s either congratulated or mocked.

Learning to base your self-esteem on who you are as opposed to how well you perform is a lifelong lesson. How can you help your athlete begin to learn to fight against the tide of misplaced self-esteem?

1. Show respect. Treat your children the way you want to be treated. Model respect. 
2. Avoid comparisons. Parents often make the mistake of comparing siblings or athletes. In an effort to motivate, they are actually killing motivation by making athletes feel badly. Not only that, they are encouraging intra-squad and sibling rivalries.
3. Challenge, not threaten. If you really want kids to stretch themselves, you have to challenge them. As you encourage them to go for it and tell them you believe in them, it nurtures their self-esteem. Threats, on the other hand, crush self-esteem and pave the way for unhealthy relationships between you and your child.
4. Learn from mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities for athletes to grow. Your child should never be embarrassed because he made a competitive error. Give him permission to fail. This kind of environment encourages him to take risks. If you jump down your child’s throat whenever he messes up, you teach him to be paranoid about his mistakes, and that diminishes self-esteem.
5. Specific praise. Kids need positive reinforcement. They should be praised for good effort first, and then performance. Be specific with your praise: You’re a good team player. You really hustled! That was a great play! However, don’t go overboard. Too much of a good thing loses its power. Make sure your positive feedback is sincere and meaningful.
6. Don’t label a child. Just because an athlete is short doesn’t mean he can’t play basketball. Some of the most aggressive high school players I’ve seen play were under 6 foot. And just because someone is heavier doesn’t mean he can’t move fast. I’ve seen bigger athletes that can move very quickly. For many kids, body image is a major contributor to a low self-esteem. Help them accept themselves by not putting a label on them that refuses to even give them a chance. Instead of focusing on body type, focus on skills, athleticism and hustle.
7. Recognize the process. Low self-esteem is learned. Simply telling a kid to “get over it” will not do the trick. Good self-esteem grows through personal experiences and positive feedback from parents, coaches, and peers.

If your child suffers from low self-esteem, be patient. The length of the process to gaining self-esteem is unique to each individual, but it is definitely something that can be changed for the better with your consistent love and positive guidance.

Janis B. Meredith, sports mom and coach's wife, writes a sports parenting blog called JBM Thinks. She authored the Sports Parenting Survival Guide Series and has recently launched a podcasting series for sports parents. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.