You just played a tough game where your opponent got a generous call by the referee that allowed them to score. If there was instant replay like there is in the NFL, you know for a fact that the play would have been called back and your team would most likely have won. As it happened, you are knocked out of the playoffs, and the season ends on a sour note.

It’s painful to lose that way. It actually physically hurts sometimes. And what if you’re the one who was involved in the play? Yep, double the frustration, embarrassment and disappointment.

Or maybe the defeat was totally under your control like when Brett Favre of the Minnesota Vikings in the 2009 NFC Championship game threw an interception to give away the game in the final minutes. All he had to do was run out of bounds, and his team was a lock to win and go on to the Super Bowl.

How do you come back from such crushing defeats?

You start your comeback by asking yourself what is your purpose for playing football.

When I am working with an athlete one-on-one with this question, I usually try to be a mixture of funny and sarcastic when I say: “Is your entire purpose for playing football to have won that game?”

The answer is almost always, “No.”

And then I ask the player to tell me his reasons for playing football. I find out that they play for things such as:

• The excitement of competition
• The challenge of pushing myself
• The confidence I get from becoming physically and mentally stronger through the game
• The respect I get from teammates, peers, and even adults for living discipline, determination, and grit.
• Hitting people on the field
• Making great plays and hearing coaches and fans scream
• The atmosphere and environment of a football field at game time
• The camaraderie of being on a team

After we have developed a big list that includes things I mentioned above, I then ask the athlete: “Is any of that going away because you lost that game or had that choke?”

Of course not. It’s all still there ready for you to go at it again and again and again because you love football and everything about it.

It’s perfectly normal to be disappointed and sad after a big loss or mistake. Go ahead and give yourself a period of time to go through that. And when you’re done with that, declare to yourself that you are going back out there and playing football with all you’ve got because of that list above. That’s how you come back from defeat.

Favre’s backup on the sidelines, Sage Rosenfels, wrote about that game: “I remember it as one the best performances of Favre’s career, despite that last throw.”

He also told Favre as he came back to the bench after the play: “‘Brett, you are the most amazing football player I’ve ever seen. It has been an unreal experience to watch you play this year.’ I can’t really describe the look he gave me, but I can tell those words meant something to him."

A few words like that from a coach or teammate will speed the process of coming back. Craig Sigl’s work with youth athletes has been featured on NBC TV and ESPN. Get his free ebook: “The 10 Commandments For a Great Sports Parent” and also a free training and .mp3 guided visualization to help young athletes perform under pressure by visiting: http://www.mentaltoughnesstrainer.com.